# Personal user manual, or Manual of Me: a template and examples Source: https://decka.dev/ideas/personal-user-manual A personal user manual, or Manual of Me, in eight prompts: a template to copy, five filled-in examples, and how to get a whole team to write and read theirs. A personal user manual is one page, written by you, on how to work with you. How you like to be asked for things, when you think best, what you want to hear when something goes wrong, and what people tend to misread about you. It is also called a Manual of Me. Some people call it a "how to work with me" page, and some managers call theirs a manager README. It is the same page. It earns its place because people read each other worse than they think. Kruger, Epley, Parker and Ng had students pass sarcastic and serious statements to a partner, either by voice or by email, and predict how many would land. Read by email, the tone was decoded at a rate [indistinguishable from chance](https://web-docs.stern.nyu.edu/pa/kruger_email_ego.pdf). The senders were no less sure of themselves either way. In another of their studies, pairs of friends were [just as overconfident](https://web-docs.stern.nyu.edu/pa/kruger_email_ego.pdf) as pairs of strangers. A manual will not fix email. It can tell the people reading yours how to read you, which is the half of the gap you control. Below are the eight prompts, what a useful answer does for each, five filled-in examples, and the part most teams skip: getting everyone to write one, and then to read each other's. ## What a personal user manual is, and what it isn't A personal user manual is instructions, not a description. "I'm a people person" is a description. "If you need a decision from me, put the question in the first line" is an instruction, and only the second one changes what a colleague does on Monday. It isn't a personality test. A type tells people which box you are in. A manual tells them what to do, in your own words. It can also say things no test asks about, like the meeting you dread or the hour you stop reading messages. It isn't a job description either. Your role goes in one line at the top. Everything under it is about how you work, not what you are paid to do. And it isn't a list of demands. "I'm direct, deal with it" moves the whole cost of your habit onto the reader. The useful version names the habit, says what it means and says what helps: "I'm direct, and I mean it kindly. If I'm blunt in writing, read it as efficiency, not annoyance." One page is the limit. A manual nobody finishes reading does the job of none. If yours runs longer, cut the parts that describe you and keep the parts that tell someone what to do. ## A personal user manual template: eight prompts These are the eight prompts in Decka's Communications Manual, each heading in bold with the prompt that sits under it. Copy them into a doc, a slide or a wiki page. Above them go three things: your name, your role or team in one line, and a photo if you want one. An empty manual page on cream paper. On the left, a linocut of a woman on a stepladder pinning a star above a wall of notes, and under it an empty arched photo frame beside the name Maya Okafor. On the right, eight headings in rust red, each over its question in grey. - My best strength as a communicator. What do I consider my best strength as a communicator? Name something specific enough that a colleague knows when to bring it to you. - What I'm working on. Which communication or interpersonal skills am I working on, and how can you help me? The second half is the point. Tell people what to do when they see the habit. - How I like to communicate. Style, channel, frequency, time of day. Write rules a colleague can follow without asking: which channel for what, when you read messages, and when you don't. - My cultural & language norms. Which of my cultural or language norms are important to share? Cover what a colleague from somewhere else might misread: how direct you are, what a pause means, the language you think in. - What I value at work. What do I value in my working relationships? Pick one or two, and say what they look like in an ordinary week. - Giving & receiving feedback. What do I find easy and hard in giving feedback? Receiving it? Answer both halves, then say how you want it: written or spoken, the same day or the next, in private or in the room. - Conflict & tension. How do I react to conflict and tension? Say what you do in the moment, what it looks like from outside, and what you need to come back. - My idiosyncrasies. What are my idiosyncrasies? List the small habits people would otherwise have to decode on their own. ## How to write each answer so a colleague can use it One test covers all eight. Read the answer back and ask whether a colleague could do something differently tomorrow because of it. If they couldn't, rewrite it until they could. My best strength. "I'm a good communicator" tells nobody anything. "I can take a messy technical problem and explain what it means for customers, timelines and money" tells people when to come to you. How I like to communicate. "I prefer async" is a mood. "Slack for anything quick, a doc for decisions, a call when it's tense" is a set of rules. Conflict & tension. "I'm conflict-averse" leaves people guessing. "I go quiet and analytical, which can read as cold. Give me a few hours and I'll come back" tells them what the silence means and how long it lasts. My idiosyncrasies. "I'm a bit quirky" is filler. "I'll often ask the same question twice, worded differently; it's how I check I really understood you" saves someone from deciding you weren't listening. The feedback prompt deserves the most honest answer, because the people around you are probably holding back. Abi-Esber, Abel, Schroeder and Gino ran a survey on a university campus where the researcher handing it out had lipstick, chocolate or a red marker line on her face. Of the people who noticed, [only 2.6%](https://julianaschroeder.com/s/Constructive-Feedback.pdf) told her. Across [five experiments](https://julianaschroeder.com/s/Constructive-Feedback.pdf) with [1,984 people](https://julianaschroeder.com/s/Constructive-Feedback.pdf), the same team found that people [consistently underestimate](https://julianaschroeder.com/s/Constructive-Feedback.pdf) how much others want constructive feedback. So say it plainly. "Tell me the same day, in private, and be specific" gives a colleague permission they would not otherwise assume they have. ## Personal user manual examples Five examples, written to show the range rather than to be copied word for word. They describe nobody real. The first is Maya Okafor's, the page shown in this article's pictures, and the other four follow the same rules: short, specific, and aimed at the reader. A filled page in the Decka Bold style. A blue name card reads Maya Okafor, Head of Product, Payments, above a drawing of a woman shouting through a megaphone. Eight white cards with coloured headings hold her answers. ### Maya Okafor, head of product - My best strength. I'm a good translator between engineering and the rest of the company. I can take a messy technical problem and explain what it means for customers, timelines and money, without losing the parts that matter. - What I'm working on. Saying less in meetings. I tend to fill silences and talk over quieter colleagues. If you notice me doing it, a quick "let's hear from Sam" helps more than you'd think. I'd rather be nudged than avoid it. - How I communicate. Slack for anything quick, a doc for decisions, a call when it's tense. I do my best thinking before noon, so I keep mornings free of meetings. Don't expect replies after 6pm; I'll answer first thing. - Culture & language. I grew up between Lagos and London, so I'm direct, and I mean it kindly. Yoruba is my first language at home. If I'm blunt in writing, read it as efficiency, not annoyance. - What I value. Candour and follow-through. I'd rather hear a hard truth early than a polite surprise late. I value people who say "I don't know yet" and then come back with the answer when they said they would. - Feedback. Praise comes easily; critical feedback in the moment is harder, so I sometimes wait too long. When receiving it, I like specifics and a little time to think before I respond. Written first, then a conversation. - Conflict & tension. I go quiet and analytical, which can read as cold. I'm not upset, I'm processing. Give me a few hours and I'll come back with a clearer view and, usually, an apology if I owe one. - My quirks. I take notes by hand and photograph them. Every document I name starts with the date. I'll often ask the same question twice, worded differently; it's how I check I really understood you. ### Sam Lee, engineering manager A manager's page is the one a team reads first, so it should be the most specific. Sam's covers what reports most often have to guess: when to interrupt, how to disagree and how to raise a problem. Written by a manager, this is the page some teams call a manager README. - My best strength. Keeping a lot of moving parts in my head without dropping them. I'll tell you early when I think something is going to slip. - What I'm working on. Handing over the interesting work as well as the dull work. If you think I've kept something I should have given you, ask for it. - How I communicate. Message me for anything that can wait an hour, and call me for anything that can't. I read email twice a day. My calendar is accurate, so if a slot is free, book it. - Culture & language. I grew up in Seoul and moved to Toronto at fourteen. In a heated meeting I slow down, and that's me choosing words, not losing the thread. - What I value. People who say what they actually think in the meeting, rather than in the corridor afterwards. - Feedback. I'm better at giving it than taking it, and I know it. If I get defensive, say "can I finish?" and I'll stop. I'd rather hear it in our weekly one to one than save it for review season. - Conflict & tension. I want to fix it on the spot, which can feel like pressure. If you need a day, say so, and I'll wait. - My quirks. I'll take any one to one as a walk if you're up for it. I say "help me understand" a lot, and it's a real question, never a trap. ### Priya Raman, designer, six hours ahead of the team - My best strength. Drawing the thing in the meeting. If we're going in circles, give me five minutes and a shared screen. - What I'm working on. Pushing back earlier. I tend to say yes to a deadline and then quietly work late. If my estimate sounds tight, ask me if it's real. - How I communicate. My afternoon is your morning. Put feedback on the design file rather than in chat, because chat scrolls away. I don't check messages after 7pm my time. - Culture & language. I grew up in a family where "let me see" meant no, and I still say it. If you need a clear answer, ask me for one. - What I value. Being told why as well as what. I do better work when I know the problem behind the brief. - Feedback. Make it specific and about the work: "this button is easy to miss" beats "it's not quite there". I give feedback as questions, which some people read as unsure. It isn't. - Conflict & tension. I write it down before I say it. If I've gone quiet in a thread, I'm drafting, and I'll come back the same day. - My quirks. I keep a list of every decision made on a call and post it afterwards. If I've got one wrong, correct it there. ### Jonas Lindqvist, graduate analyst in his first month - My best strength. Asking the question everyone else assumed was too basic. It's often the useful one. - What I'm working on. Speaking up in big meetings. I'm fine one to one and quiet in a room of twenty. Asking me directly helps; putting me on the spot with no warning doesn't. - How I communicate. Chat is best. I'd rather send three short messages than book a call. Mornings are my sharpest, and I'm in from 8:30. - Culture & language. I grew up in Sweden, where I learned to leave a long pause before answering. It means I'm thinking, not that I've lost interest. - What I value. Being shown how something works once, properly, so I don't have to ask twice. - Feedback. Please give me more than you think you should. I'm new and I can't tell yet what good looks like here. Written is easier for me to take in. - Conflict & tension. I tend to agree in the moment and worry about it later. If I've said yes very fast, check again the next day. - My quirks. I write everything down, including things that don't need writing down. If I ask for something in writing, it's so I don't have to ask you twice. ### Amara Nwosu, head of science at a secondary school - My best strength. Explaining something hard to a tired room at the end of the day. I'll happily help you plan a lesson that keeps losing them. - What I'm working on. Saying no to new projects in the summer term. If I offer to take something on in June, show me this page. - How I communicate. I can't read messages while I'm teaching, so anything urgent goes through the office. Email for anything that can wait, and I answer it after the last lesson. Never at weekends. - Culture & language. My parents are Nigerian and I grew up in Manchester. I'm loud when I'm enthusiastic. It isn't anger. - What I value. Doing what we said we'd do for the students, even when it's inconvenient. - Feedback. Face to face, after school, with a cup of tea. I give it straight, so tell me if I've been too blunt. - Conflict & tension. I get it out in the open quickly. If you need time first, tell me, and I'll book us a slot later in the week. - My quirks. My desk looks chaotic and I know where everything is. Please don't tidy it. ## What to leave out of a Manual of Me Everybody it's shared with reads it, including people you haven't met yet. Write it for that room. Anything you wouldn't say to the whole team. Health, family, money and politics stay off the page unless you'd happily say them out loud in a meeting. Nobody needs them to work with you. Words that only describe you. "Introvert", "creative", a four-letter personality type. If it could go on a dating profile, it isn't an instruction. Rules you don't keep. "I never check messages after 6pm" becomes untrue the first night you reply at nine, and then people stop trusting the rest of the page. Demands dressed as preferences. "All requests in writing, two days ahead" may be fair. Say why, and say what to do when something can't wait. A version of you that you wish were true. The page is only useful if it matches the person who turns up on Tuesday. A word for managers, because the sharpest objection to this format is aimed at you. Camille Fournier, author of The Manager's Path, has argued against manager READMEs for years. Her case is that one [creates a focus on you as the person to be managed up to](https://www.elidedbranches.com/2025/11/revisiting-manager-readmes.html), so that, in her words, "Your personality must be accommodated, your preferences honored." She is right about the one-way version. A page only the manager writes is a list of preferences for everyone else to learn. Make yours one page among many: publish it first, read everyone else's, and never use anyone's page in a performance review. The page only works while people trust it won't be used against them. ## How to get a whole team to write theirs, and read each other's The usual failure is quiet. One person writes a page, shares a template and waits. A few people fill it in, nobody reads anyone else's, and a month later nobody remembers the pages exist. The writing was never the hard part. The reading is. - Write yours first, and share it before you ask. People copy the tone of the first page they read. If yours is specific and a little honest, theirs will be too. - Give people a week, not a meeting. Writing about yourself on the spot produces "I'm a team player". A week produces the line about going quiet in an argument. - Keep it to one page each, in one place. A folder of separate documents is a folder nobody opens. One place means reading the whole team takes ten minutes. - Make the reading the event. Book twenty minutes for everyone to read everyone else's page, and ask each person to leave a question on two of them. - Send new starters to it before their first day. It shows them who wants a call and who wants a message. They can add their own page in their first week. - Read it again in six months. People change roles, teams and habits. A page that's a year out of date gives the wrong instructions. The question on someone else's page is worth more than it looks. Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson and Gino found that people who ask more questions, [particularly follow-up questions, are better liked](https://www.mikeyeomans.info/papers/question_asking.pdf) by their conversation partners. Those were live conversations between two people rather than comments on a page, so take it as a reason to ask, not a measure of what a comment does. ## A Manual of Me for a whole team, in one place Decka's Communications Manual is built for the steps above. It's a deck where each person adds one page of their own, with the eight prompts already on it. It's free for you and for everyone who joins, and joining takes a free account. You give it a name and an optional intro, and choose who can add a page: "Anyone with the link" or "Only people I invite". It starts with a cover, your own page and a closing page. The editor opens on your page with "Share your manual" over it, where you copy the join link or invite people by email. Four painted scenes on white, two by two. A woman sets up a page on her laptop. She sends a link to three colleagues at their own desks. A man adds a photo to his page while two others work beside him. Three people read the pages together on one laptop, with hearts and speech bubbles above them. People who join read first. Nobody gets an empty page just for looking: each person taps "Add my page" when they're ready, answers the questions and adds a photo if they want one. Everyone can read every page, react to it and comment on it. Members see each other's names, never each other's email addresses, and the sharing step tells the owner so: "You'll see their email addresses; they'll only see each other's names." The first page is a magazine cover. It carries the manual's name set large, the intro, and a line naming who is inside, such as "Inside: Maya Okafor, Sam Lee and 10 more". The line updates as people add their pages. A magazine-style cover in the Decka Bold style. The masthead reads Platform team communications manual, above the line One page from each of us on how we communicate, what we value, and how to work well together. Four people talk around a table under empty speech bubbles. Each new page gets its own style and picture, so the manual reads like a magazine rather than one form repeated. Anyone can switch their own page to another style, and the owner can set one style for every new page. The same page of answers in four styles, two by two. Painted has soft pastel cards around a woman untangling a rope. Riso Zine is printed in pink and blue ink. Travel Poster sits under a teal banner, and Scrapbook is written on taped sticky notes. The last page closes the manual with "Now you know us a little better." and the names of the people who have added a page, with their photo once they've added one. It fills in as pages are added, and a large team's ends with "and N more". A closing page in the Painted style. A woman waves from an open door between two potted plants, above the words Now you know us a little better. Below are eight names in two rows, five with a round picture and three with a single initial. When the team is done, "Pause the manual" in the Manual panel stops members adding pages or changing theirs until you reopen it. Comments and reactions carry on. If your team is four people who sit together, a shared doc does the same job. The manual earns its place once there are more pages than anyone will chase by hand. ## Frequently asked questions ### What is a personal user manual? A one-page note, written by you, on how to work with you: how you like to communicate, what you value, how you give and take feedback, and the habits people might misread. It's written as instructions a colleague can follow, not as a description of your personality. ### What is a Manual of Me? Another name for the same document. A Manual of Me, a personal user manual, a "how to work with me" page and a manager README all do one job: telling colleagues how to work with you. ### What should a personal user manual include? Your name, your role and eight short answers. They cover your best strength as a communicator, what you're working on, how you like to communicate, and your cultural and language norms. They also cover what you value at work, giving and receiving feedback, how you react to conflict, and your idiosyncrasies. ### How long should a personal user manual be? One page. Two or three sentences per prompt is plenty. If an answer runs longer, it's usually describing you rather than telling someone what to do. ### Should managers write one first? Yes. People copy the tone of the first page they read, and a manager's page is the one a team most needs. A manager should also never use anyone's page in a performance review, or nobody will write an honest one again. ### How often should you update a personal user manual? Whenever something on it stops being true, and at least every six months. A page that says you never read messages after 6pm, when you now do, gives people the wrong instructions. ### Is there a free personal user manual template? The eight prompts on this page are free to copy into any document. Decka's Communications Manual puts the same eight on a page for each person, with a join link, comments and reactions, and it's free for you and for everyone who joins. ## Activities